Monday, 7 May 2012

Another visit

So CAS was in again last week.  We are now on our third worker.  I hate transition (almost, but not quite, as much as Declan) and I hate feeling like I'm starting from scratch every time.  The first worker was just the intake worker.  When she (with her boss) made the determination to take it from an investigation to a case file, we got our permanent worker.  However, our permanent worker had already given her notice and was given us as an interim worker.  Why give a new case to someone that is leaving, only to have to transfer them?  I don't know.  I don't like it, but what does it matter what I like or not?  For someone who is, admittedly, a control freak, lack of control in this case drives me nuts.

I've yet to understand why people can't understand that my mental health state right now is perfectly normal for someone who is under the amount of stress and pressure I've been under for the past four years.  My mind has had enough and it feels like my body has had about enough.  People have commented that I've lost weight.  Well, yes.  I have.  And know what?  I haven't changed a single habit or activity.  That's how much of this my body can no longer take.

But to start a case because they are "concerned about the mental health of both parents"?  Do you not have better things to do than make decisions about my life for me?  I'm thirty five years old.  I've been making my own decisions for quite some time now.  I've been parenting for quite some time now.  I nannied for a little while, so that was kind of like "practice parenting," LOL.  My kids are happy, healthy, smart, well cared for, disciplined, polite, clean, little boys.  And yet I've got the government watching over my shoulder, saying "we think you're a very good mom, but..."

But.  But, but, but.  I really hate that word.  Nothing good ever comes after the word "but" in a sentence that involves social workers, doctors, teachers, your boss.  Nothing.  In all my life I've never heard that end in a good way.

They gave S back his overnights.  Up until now, they had said that the boys could visit S, but they were not allowed to stay overnight, even though I knew they would be just fine.  These are my kids and as far as I'm concerned, if I am sure they will be fine, then I should get to decide whether or not they spend a night at their dad's house.  But no, I didn't get to make that decision.  Had I decided to send them anyway then I was opening both myself and S up to losing the boys to foster care altogether.  So I play by their rules.  Even if I don't like them.  (The rules, not the people.  The people have, so far, been quite nice.)

However, CAS is the reason currently that S and I are still not allowed to see each other face to face.  See, the Parole Board of Canada put one more condition on him when he was released again at the beginning of April - that S and I could text or phone, but we were not allowed to be in the presence of one another.  That kind of complicates matters when it comes to exchanging the kids.  Fortunately, they are old enough to just be dropped of in the driveway.  But still.

I know there are people that will never get why I gave S a second chance, nor why I'd be giving him another.  Part of it is that when I took my marriage vows I took them very seriously - I do not believe in divorce unless there is no hope of reconciliation.  However, I've got a bunch of hoops he must jump through, and have stated quite clearly that it will be at least three years before he will be allowed to move back into the house.  If that.  But the fact is, he is my husband, he is the father of my children and as long as he (okay, we both) stay on top of all our health (physical, psychological) issues, we do okay.  So yeah, I'm going to give him another chance - but we're going to be doing it veeeeeeeeeeeeery sloooooooooooowly.  We are starting by dating again.  Well, we will be when the parole board changes their decision.  But remember how I said before that CAS was holding it up?  Well...

So the Parole Board wanted letters from me, S, CAS and the OPP on why we should/shouldn't be allowed to see each other face to face.  S and I wrote letters and gave them very good reasons for why we should be able to see each other face to face, including for health reasons for the boys.  (IE, should something happen - God forbid - again that our child needs both parents with them.)  Well, CAS seems to think that S will "coerce me into doing something I'm not ready to do."

That is one of the funniest statements, ever.  If anyone in our relationship is going to talk someone into doing something it'd be me convincing him.  And I told them that.  And I told them my mother thought that was really funny.  But no, they said that maybe in a few more weeks "after getting to know us a little better" they might change their minds.  Well, in those few more weeks they'll have seen him and I both one more time for about half an hour each.  So exactly how much more are they going to learn about us in those half hours?  "Well, we'll just have to see, but...."

Yup, but.  There's that word again.

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